Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
