just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
