Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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