My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
