I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
