I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
