We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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