I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
