that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
