Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
