I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
