The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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