i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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