why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
