i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want her autograph on my taint
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"