He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
