yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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