things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
