I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
