worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
