My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
