You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
