I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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