toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
