Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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