and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
