I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
