we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
