FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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