And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
