i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
