i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
