My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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