Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
