There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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