so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
