the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
