FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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