He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
