I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My cat gives me a boner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
