I hope mine doesn't look like that
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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