What did we do last night that was yellow?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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