Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
