I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
