dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
