Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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