I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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