the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
