Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
