people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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