yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
