So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She even gives head with a lisp.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
