whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
