We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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