so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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