Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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