I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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