seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
