Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
