I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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