you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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