Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
