please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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