I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
