How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
