the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
