Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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