im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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