I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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