After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
