Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
