I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
