So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize