Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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