So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
