if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize