in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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