Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
