Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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