maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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