apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
