I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
