I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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