Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
