I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
