Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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