oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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