In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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