do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
