awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
