dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
